It’s a challenge to distill the essence of gays into a 4-minute video. There are plenty of gay videos and some embody a gay vision of the world, but only a handful have ever pulled together a video so impossibly gay it defies belief. Following are the 10 gayest music videos of all time full of camp, tight clothes, suggestive food eating, leathermen, drag queens, and outrageous fashions. Be warned: you will be sweating glitter by the end of the list.

10) Army of Lovers – Crucified

Featuring frilly outfits, flamboyant fan use, and some severe makeup, this 90’s French pop video captures vampy camp to the nth degree.

9) Frankie Goes to Hollywood – Relax

The lead singer of the band goes to a leather bar where he’s partially stripped and forced to wrestle a tiger before being held down while fountains of white liquid rain down across his body.

8 ) Bronski Beat – Smalltown Boy

A young lad fantasizes about the boy he has a crush on while riding the train to the big city where people will understand him better. A classic gay video.

7) Divine – I’m so Beautiful

Divine, not beautiful by conventional standards, sings her gravel-voiced heart out about how fabulous she is. When she growls at you to look at her you better listen.

6) The Village People – YMCA (movie version)

In the late 1970’s the village people made a campy-as-hell movie which was basically a long advertisement for their music. Near the end of the film they are led to a YMCA where naked men jump in pools and hot tubs, and do some synchronized swimming. NSFW.

5) Queen – I Want to Break Free

Freddie Mercury sings in drag about how repressed he feels. Apparently, breaking free includes large numbers of people wearing cow-patterned leotards. That’s how all mustached drag house wives feel. I’m sure of it.

4) Adam Joseph – Faggoty Attention

Mr. Joseph picks up a hot dude on the street and leads him home, informing the trick that Adam likes a little rough and that this dude’s never had it this tight.

3) Erasure – Lay All Your Love on Me

The guys from erasure are wearing gold lamé motorcycle suits. That is all.

2) Dead or Alive – Something in my House

This video features a pre-trans Pete Burns wearing outrageous outfits, an excessive “Halloween” mise-en-scène, extensive banana eating, and references to the “wicked queen” who broke poor Pete’s heart. This is a gay camp masterpiece.

1) Cazwell – Ice Cream Truck

Ice Cream Truck, the gayest video of all time, is three minutes of strippers erotically eating ice cream and shaking their barely-clad butts. Whenever this video plays I can’t look away. It commands the attention of all gays in the vicinity, making it the gayest video of all time.

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